Thursday, March 19, 2009

3 x better and getting better still

had little man's eligibility meeting today (for spec ed services). he didn't qualify. am i upset? quite the contrary. our little man has improved 300% in both his reading and math skills. SINCE CHRISTMAS. he is above average instead of drastically below and about 10 points away FROM GETTING STRAIGHT A'S!!!!

i haven't been able to stop crying (i am so overly emotional these days) since the meeting.

everyday he becomes more and more himself. and we are so blessed to be witnessing it even when he's being the bratty 8 year old (really, who wasn't one when they were 8). we get through the moment then giggle to ourselves at how proud we are of him - i mean he has found his way out of his own little world and into ours. he has FRIENDS. he has LANGUAGE. he can't stop SAYING I LOVE YOU and GETTING HUGS.

he has come home to himself. and we are so thankful it's with us.

and on an another bright note my niece made it through surgery today. brain surgery. and is recovering without complications.

God is good.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

just for today.....

there are five main principles, or guidelines if you will, of Reiki. they seem so simple. however they can also be so very difficult.

just for today:

i will work honestly

i will be kind

i will not anger

i will not worry

i will be thankful


i find 2 through 5 to be the hardest. i have found myself in a constant state of worry and anger lately. and it's beginning to affect everything i do and say. i find myself thinking unkind thoughts and forgetting how much i have to be grateful for. last night both laurie and i were reminded how lucky we are. she was told her friend's 4 month old son passed away yesterday morning more then likely due to SIDS. our problems seem non-existent compared to what they must be going through.

to them. to my family and friends. to anyone reading this and open to accepting it. to myself. i send Reiki. just for today, i hope that i can remember the 5 principles and try to aspire to live them each day. i wonder what the world would be like if we all did?





today i am reminded that like the phoenix, we can all rise up from the ash. you just have to willing to try.


namaste my friends.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

1 hour

can someone please, please tell me how being an hour and half late for a three hour visit and then ending it early so you can catch a ride home (to the motel) is proving you are fit to be a parent again.

4.5 hours this month is all she has with them. and they call that trying. trying really hard.

really? what the hell kind of world do we live in people?? and are you really ok with it? i mean, really. ok. with it?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

1 year and 5 days ago

our lives changed forever. we decided to open our hearts and home and become "moms". i can't believe it's been a year already. i can't believe we've had 3, yes 3, children call us mom. show us love. allow us to nurture them, watch them grow. we went from two to three to four so quickly. the 9 months we've had little lady and mr. man have definitely been long. they've been full with heartsongs and heartache. triumphs and turbulence. way more good then all the bad. and even with all the puke and pain, i wouldn't change a second of it.

with all the stresses that raising two kids can bring to your daily life, i think i may have finally found my peace. it's in their eyes. even with all the hurt and heartache their young lives have brought them there us an undeniable hope residing in their round, brown eyes.

i hope i can help them hold on that forever. to not forget it as so many of us adults do. to remember that we are resilient beyond our wildest imagination and when the going gets tough we can persevere.

today, with the sun on my face, their laughter in my ear, and laurie by my side - i could ask for nothing more.

Monday, March 9, 2009

back to life..



i have rejoined the land of the living. and breathing. it's nice here; i am glad to be back.

lately things have been so overwhelming. secrets have come to the surface. not mine, but little lady's. and they are numerous, heartbreaking, and make me remember why i like my dogs more then most people.

i keep my thoughts upbeat through this by focussing on one upcoming joyous thing - our first (of hopefully many) family vacation!! 7 days and 6 nights of glorious sun, sand, and soul soothing. we can NOT wait!! and i can't seem to buy enough stuff for it. i call it shopping therapy. laurie calls it hoarding. whatever. it's fun!



so the five year old just dumped her drink on the 7 year's old plate and the 8 year is defending them both. time to get off line and back to reality.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

really, again?


so this is what happened to my eye last time i threw up. three years ago. and i haven't puked since. until today. once i'm feeling up to it i'll post new pics of my newly bloodied eye. and perhaps the pics will even pic up the fine detailing of all the broken capillaries on my forehead, chin, nose, and cheeks. not to mention my lovely black and blue swollen, and bloody eyes.
oh how i heart me.