thanksgrieving

today i am finding much gratefullness within myself. for my family, my friends, my home, my job, having food, being able to afford to give the children a nice christmas. there are so many things to be grateful for.

and yet i am almost paralized with grief. i can't seem to get past missing her this year. i can't seem to stop being angry with god for taking her too soon. i can't help but cry. a lot.

but i am grateful that my grief has yet to be caught by my little ones. that they just know mommy is thankful for them today. they don't know that for many years thanksgiving was our christmas #1. we'd decorate the house for the holidays, tree and all. then we'd stuff our selves silly today and tomorrow we'd have christmas. and she'd be there. and it would all be for them.

i am grateful for all the memories i have from those days. she always made things so special. just by being present. today, i am grateful to be present in the life of my children, my beloved, my parents. and i am thankfilled with my memories.

merry meet, merry part, and merry meet again. until that day i will be present for you my sister, my soul, my angel, my friend.