it's been so hard to get in the spirit this year. i thought it would be easier, esp with the kids. but i think i'm too afraid. too afraid this may be our first, and last, holiday as a family. too afraid that it won't be enough. just too, too afraid.
i have so many surprises and i'm so afraid they'll be blown by the visit on saturday.
my family has so many secrets that seemed to find their way to light. last week.
i am struggling to not hate my job. myself.
it gets dark too late and does not get light early enough.
i'm sick. again.
our charlie brown tree keeps falling.
but we have a home to live in. food on the table, in bellies, and in the fridge/freezer/pantry. we have money in the bank account. a closet full of holiday gifts. i have a wonderful wife. we have two fabulous children. that should be enough. that should be it all.
i still feel something is missing. perhaps it's her, my sister. whose absence always looms this time of year. perhaps its me. i still haven't found my way back to myself.
i know for sure one thing that's missing, my holiday spark. and i only have 8 days to find it. some how.
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