tomorrow....

i have a post-adpotive services seminar to attend. today it seems pointless under these new circumstances.

maybe by friday i'll be hopeful again. maybe.

i'm speechless

and counting down the days til our lives change again and theirs pretty much end.

just to lighten the mood a little

updated kitty pics.
she is now a year old!
still not gracefull.
still retarded, literally.

but still my itty bitty kitty!

in case you didn't see her before pics i reposted a few below :-)

like hell on earth....

this weather kills me. i. hate. HATE. HATE to be hot. and i totally despise being sweaty.

i am both right now.

yesterday did not go well. to say the very least.

today has not gone much better.

looks like i should've bought my cheese from costco. i feel a whole lot more whining coming on.

tomorrow is court. pray for them. and us.

god just get me to tuesday.

yes, i'd like some cheese with my whine.

i am sitting here drinking my first AM cup of coffee. i am drinking it from the mug i purchased on vacation to help me remember how it felt to be there. today i find that a hard thing to do. my house is covered in vacation mess and apathy. i can't seem to muster any energy. i found my self saying yesterday in response to the question are you ok?: "i sure am in a funk for someone who has evrything going for them. i mean really, things are really good."

so why do i feel so stuck? i keep telling myself my body has put itself in a "resting" mode so that i will be ready to conquer what comes next. last summer with the kids was awesome. i can only imagine how fun this summer will be! work will change for the summer, no longer working in a school daily. and most importantly i start going back to school for myself soon. i am only two courses away from finishing up my bacherlors and will immediately delve into the masters program. i can not wait.

perhaps i'm just exhausted from all the excitment. perhaps i'm waiting for that "other shoe to drop". perhaps it's on it's way.

so much to say, letn' the pics say it for me....for now

me, on the way. that's what a day in the car with kids will do to ya!

the bird girl.

SC welcoming us with her weeping, loving arms.

one of my new favorite trees.

THE haunted house we toured and i got the orb pics from.

a green man fairy hole. i have a whole slew of fairy hole pics to post later.

the only pic of us from vacation. i think little lady could be a photographer!

"i'm queen of the woooorrrrllllddd". or maybe just this bridge.

we had SOOOO MUCH FUN on these tandem bikes it should've been illegal!

one of the pics i took on the ghost tour of savanah. note the orbs :-) i do believe in ghosts!

one of the MANY beautiful trees of GA.

can you see the green man? i can!

god is awesome!

you must respect alice, or she will eat you!

pelican at botany bay on edisto island, SC.

botany bay on edisto island, SC. i don't know how i left this place. i wanna go back. now.

laurie's idea of sunbathing. she is so warm blooded even the beach was too cold for her!

how i loved taking my kids to my favorite "traveling" store from my childhood.

fort pedro from south of the border at the NC/SC border.

lots more pics to come till i find the words!

she is calling to me......

saturday i will answer her call. the kids will start their first vacation. i can not wait.

32 flavors and then some.....

i turn 32 on thursday. it sounds so weird to say that. in many ways i still feel like i'm so young. my body feels otherwise. it keeps trying to revolt against me and it's quite annoying.

when i reflect on where i am at this impending new age i am pretty happy, at least in the big picture sense. i am blessed with a great wife, a great family, a great job, a great house, great pets, great friends, and have been blessed with the opportunity to share all of this with two of the greatest children on earth. it's when you look at the fine print (wait, let me get my glasses. funny how quickly age catches up with you) that things get blurred.

on the wife and family front things are pretty good. my parents health has me in a constant state of worry but they both keep marching on. laurie is such a tropper, being thrust into parenthood, stil apprehensive about whether it's what she truly wants. but what i know and see and hear from her own lips is that she is totally in love with these children. and that is enough. however these great kids aren't truly ours and i feel sometimes like i'm just counting down the days till they go "home".

i was told this weekend that they shouldn't ever have called me mama, that i didn't carry them for 9 months, that it hurts her feelings when they say it and that they should know better. miss heather is all that's acceptable. did i mention it was their mom that said this to me. loudly, pointing fingers, in the middle of the mall. in FRONT of her kids. who were frozen with fear and confusion. the children refuse to comply to this wish of hers. they say it's too hard for them and that they want to call me mama. really, when it comes down to it, it does not matter what they call me. mama, mom, mommy, miss heather, hey you - the meaning behind the words will still be "caretaker, guardian, protecter, teacher, nurturer, love". whatever they call me will just be a substitue for the word mom. so, as it has always been, it's up to them what they call me. they choose mama.

Squint your eyes and look closer

I'm not between you and your ambition

I am a poster girl with no poster

I am thirty-two flavors and then some

And I'm beyond your peripheral vision

So you might want to turn your head

Cuz someday you're going to get hungry

And eat most of the words you just said.

- ani difranco

today, this favorite song of mine, my anthem of sorts for the past decade, has a brand new meaning.

i'm gonna focus on the good....

HE MADE HONOR ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my little big man, who could barely speak let alone spell or write, who didn't want hugs or to look at you in the eyes. who couldn't follow a direction to save his life HAS RAISED HIS GRADES TO ALL A's and B's!! i can't even begin to tell you how proud we are of him and how proud he is of his self!

we try to instill in the kids the same beliefs and principals we live our lives by: do good things and good things will come to you. well he worked hard, has had excellent school behaviors and it sure did pay off! AND to top it off we also found out yesterday that he got a FULL scholarship to a camp he really wanted to attend this summer!!!!

for all the bad that's in his past, god is certainly showering him with as much good!