forgetting to remember. unedited, flow of thought

end of march 2007. quick phone call to laurie to say hi and check in. quickly mention, again, becoming a respite/overnight care taker in our home for clients. her quick reply "been thinking about that. it would help me get ready, you know, to have kids. been thinking i am ready to try". that was it. i could no longer speak and ended the call with an "i love ya".

could not bring myself to metion it. could not stop thinking about it. for weeks.

end of april 2007. red lobster, table by the window. i had finally found my nerve. i began to talk but was interupted by a brochure. she's found a perfect little place in virginia beach to wisk us away to for a few nights. i say sure and she calls to book it. i wait. impatiently. when she's off the phone i take a breath and just say "so there's something i want to talk to you about" to which she replies "well it's taken you long enough. i can't believe how long you've waited". we both laughed. and then we talked, about starting a family. we decided adoption would be best for us and we'd start through foster care.

then we went on vacation. and talked about it non stop. and i dreamed of sharing moments like that with our children. i took pictures of everything and spoke of what i would tell them when i shared these photos with them - how in this one you had just said "but i won't share MY food", how i had just whispered "i love you. thank you." in your ear and that's why you are smiling like that. how you are so much braver than me and that shows in this picture.

june 2010. i got to share the sights and sounds and memories of that time with our family. there, on the beach. all four of us.

i rememered how at this point, we've come full circle. only a few steps left till it's forever. and i remembered a whole lot more.

i joked that since my dream of a perfect love came true, then my dream to be a counselor came true, and then my dream of children came true there's only one thing left for me to do. then i remembered i can do anything. we all can. let's see how far i take this next adventure!