do i threaten you?

apparently i threaten "her". she thinks i am trying to steal her children. i like to think it's just that i want them and i don't think she can say the same. she had the chance to live with her youngest, even while in foster care. she chose cigarettes instead.

perhaps i threaten her because i don't threaten her kids. they don't fear us. they have no need. they have no bruises, on their skin or their souls, since they have come into our homes. our hearts.

perhaps i'm a threat because her kids are finally healthy. finally happy. i can be quite threatening in that way i suppose, you know, that unconditional love way.

how dare i feed her kids since she couldn't. how dare i bathe, educate, help them heal since she couldn't. how dare i love them, with all i have, we have, to give. i think it's partly because we are two women. and since we lack sperm we have to take the kids of others. how wrong that thought process is - i mean really. wouldn't it be way easier for two women to NOT have to open their homes to the state. to not have to defend their lives to strangers. no, this is definately not the easier way. there are many "banks" we could have made a withdrawl from, friends who would be happy to help as well. but to her we took the "easy road". like rasing kids that have seen horrors these moms can't even imagine would be the "easy road".

i certainly can't change their past. i can't change hers either. teach her that children are vulnerable to the things around them. see, hear, smell the things we do near them we think we are hiding. know when we are lying to them. know when we don't care.

no, i can't change their pasts. but i can fight like hell for their futures. all i want for them is to be safe. happy. healthy. whole. if they can do that with her, fine. but if they can't they certainly have a place to call home. here, with us.