my head is pounding. i can't breathe, smell, or taste. i have drainage. my lips are cracked, dry and on fire.
i am sick.
again.
seriously, can't i get a friggin break. just like, maybe a two month stretch. is that too much to ask for? and i REALLY HAVE BEEN trying. hard. to stay healthy. movn' more. eatn' less. drinking way more water, way less soda. lost 5 pounds. saw the specialist. been faithfully taking my meds. going to bed early and resting. washing my hands. making my kids wash theirs. a lot. reiki'ing the heck outta me, you, and everyone else i know hoping to stop the spread of germs and promote the spread of health.
it didn't work.
i really think i might look into one of those bubbles. yeah. that sounds REALLY nice right now.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
my randomness
25 random factoids about yours truly - tagging is so fun!
1. above all else, i have always wanted to be a mom.
2. i secretly wish i were also a rock star (we didn't really buy singstar for the kids ;)
3. i completely suck at keeping in touch with people, but once someone is my friend, i consider them my friend always. i really cherish the relationships i have that don't have to be feed and watered daily to thrive - we can always pick right back up be it a few weeks, months, or a decade.
4. i really miss my purple hair and wish i could dye it that color now.
5. i believe music is the soundtrack to our souls and you should sing loudly and daily.
6. i am an ordained minister (so that's rev. dancer to you!).
7. i hate having my picture taken, a lot.
8. even on my very worst days, i LOVE my job and can't believe how lucky i am to have it.
9. i never really knew what pride was until i had my children.
10. i hold 5 certifications in natural health yet still get really really sick and go allopathic ause i don't do as i say, i do as i shouldn't do.
11. i love office supplies. and shopping for them. a lot.
12. i used to own 156 pairs of shoes. and wore them all. but not at once. and my favorite shoes are stil doc martens and i will heart (and wear) them till the day i die.
13. i have no use for ignoance and think that it is the biggest problem our society faces and most all of our other problems steam from it.
14. i am a borderline hoarder when it comes to crafts and activities i can use with my kids.
15. i have a very difficult time justifying spending more then $5 on a piece of kids clothing since they will only wear it for about three months, so i am a HUGE bargain/sale/clearance shopper.
16. my last name should actually be spelled with an "s" like it is on facebook and not a "c" like it is in reality but the army screwed over my dad. we are the only ones (out of 100's) on his side that spell it dancer.
17. i believe in ghosts and as a kid wanted to be a "spiritologist" when i grew up.
18. i still worry about disppointing my parents.
19. i was outed by the free lance star as being "a fredericksburg lesbian" even though i never once said i was during the mulitple interviews.
20. i procrastante. horribly. and often.
21. i can't bring myself to eat anything that nurses it's young. or chickens. or any meat for that matter. i very rarely still eat fish, but find myself disgusted at myself for doing so.
22. i want to go to seminary and be a UU minister when i grow up. or in about 20 years. which ever happens first.
23. when i was in fifth grade i had to write a paper on the 8th wonder of the world. i chose airplanes. they scare the shit out of me. still do. however i got an F. apparently my topic blew as the other kids choose friendship and love and things of that nature.
24. i've gotten every job i've ever wanted. and even ran my own businesses (three of them).
25. even though i tease my wife for watching reality tv, i secretly heart it.
1. above all else, i have always wanted to be a mom.
2. i secretly wish i were also a rock star (we didn't really buy singstar for the kids ;)
3. i completely suck at keeping in touch with people, but once someone is my friend, i consider them my friend always. i really cherish the relationships i have that don't have to be feed and watered daily to thrive - we can always pick right back up be it a few weeks, months, or a decade.
4. i really miss my purple hair and wish i could dye it that color now.
5. i believe music is the soundtrack to our souls and you should sing loudly and daily.
6. i am an ordained minister (so that's rev. dancer to you!).
7. i hate having my picture taken, a lot.
8. even on my very worst days, i LOVE my job and can't believe how lucky i am to have it.
9. i never really knew what pride was until i had my children.
10. i hold 5 certifications in natural health yet still get really really sick and go allopathic ause i don't do as i say, i do as i shouldn't do.
11. i love office supplies. and shopping for them. a lot.
12. i used to own 156 pairs of shoes. and wore them all. but not at once. and my favorite shoes are stil doc martens and i will heart (and wear) them till the day i die.
13. i have no use for ignoance and think that it is the biggest problem our society faces and most all of our other problems steam from it.
14. i am a borderline hoarder when it comes to crafts and activities i can use with my kids.
15. i have a very difficult time justifying spending more then $5 on a piece of kids clothing since they will only wear it for about three months, so i am a HUGE bargain/sale/clearance shopper.
16. my last name should actually be spelled with an "s" like it is on facebook and not a "c" like it is in reality but the army screwed over my dad. we are the only ones (out of 100's) on his side that spell it dancer.
17. i believe in ghosts and as a kid wanted to be a "spiritologist" when i grew up.
18. i still worry about disppointing my parents.
19. i was outed by the free lance star as being "a fredericksburg lesbian" even though i never once said i was during the mulitple interviews.
20. i procrastante. horribly. and often.
21. i can't bring myself to eat anything that nurses it's young. or chickens. or any meat for that matter. i very rarely still eat fish, but find myself disgusted at myself for doing so.
22. i want to go to seminary and be a UU minister when i grow up. or in about 20 years. which ever happens first.
23. when i was in fifth grade i had to write a paper on the 8th wonder of the world. i chose airplanes. they scare the shit out of me. still do. however i got an F. apparently my topic blew as the other kids choose friendship and love and things of that nature.
24. i've gotten every job i've ever wanted. and even ran my own businesses (three of them).
25. even though i tease my wife for watching reality tv, i secretly heart it.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
he got an A
today, for the first time in his little life, my son got an A on his report card. followed by his first B!! he raised both of those grades from D's last 9 weeks.
he has worked so hard.
we have worked so hard.
he has come so far.
we have come so far. as a family and individuals.
i am so proud of him. so hopeful for his future. still nervous about ever losing him, but trusting that god dreams even bigger dreams then we can dream for ourselves and that he will be where it's best for him. and my heart tells me that here, with us. i hope.
he has worked so hard.
we have worked so hard.
he has come so far.
we have come so far. as a family and individuals.
i am so proud of him. so hopeful for his future. still nervous about ever losing him, but trusting that god dreams even bigger dreams then we can dream for ourselves and that he will be where it's best for him. and my heart tells me that here, with us. i hope.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
full of hope
so not only is today one of the most wonderful days in american history but it was also full of hope for this growing family of ours.
the doctor said we may have the wrong diagnosis and MUCH potential for our son to make progress. apparently the years of neglect have cause dysfunction in his his excecutive fuctioning skills. basically, he can learn to process that which he can't process now. OT will help him integarte new items (like food) into his sensory diet.
he has an IQ of 110. he has the processing skills of a 4 year old but this can and will change.
with time, with maturity. he will be able to learn to have social relationships. he will make friends. and keep them. he wil pass third grade, and every grade to come with extra support at school and home. we can help him learn. and grow. and thrive.
between obama's inaguration and the news from the doctor today, i haven't stopped crying tears of happiness. nor have i been this full of hope in such a long time. so many good things are in store: for my son, my family, for us ALL.
i am so thankful to be alive!
the doctor said we may have the wrong diagnosis and MUCH potential for our son to make progress. apparently the years of neglect have cause dysfunction in his his excecutive fuctioning skills. basically, he can learn to process that which he can't process now. OT will help him integarte new items (like food) into his sensory diet.
he has an IQ of 110. he has the processing skills of a 4 year old but this can and will change.
with time, with maturity. he will be able to learn to have social relationships. he will make friends. and keep them. he wil pass third grade, and every grade to come with extra support at school and home. we can help him learn. and grow. and thrive.
between obama's inaguration and the news from the doctor today, i haven't stopped crying tears of happiness. nor have i been this full of hope in such a long time. so many good things are in store: for my son, my family, for us ALL.
i am so thankful to be alive!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
nothing but good
perhaps rambling on in my last blog helped. pehaps the wise words from a good friend (thank you erin!) helped more. but something's worked.
NO TEARS OR FIGHTS for the last 9 meals. it was like a light bulb went off over his head. he got it. "i eat = i get dessert. i eat = i feel better. i eat = everyone, including me is happy. "
NO TEARS OR FIGHTS for the last 9 meals. it was like a light bulb went off over his head. he got it. "i eat = i get dessert. i eat = i feel better. i eat = everyone, including me is happy. "
i have slept better these last few nights then i have in months. my mind knows my son's belly is full, his body is rested and his mind is calm. that's all this mom could ask for.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
i feel so lost
so my son doesn't like to eat. anything. except chicken nuggets, french fries, banannas, pizza, and apple sauce. i know, "gee heather, get over it. you have a picky eater". but i have a picky eater that vomits. even the things he likes. he weighs 58 lbs. and is almost 60 inches tall. he is not healthy. every meal is a fight.
every meal.
and i don't know what to do. the doctors have him on another stomach med. hoping it will help. crisis point - that's been mentioned.
and it doesn't help that he'll be eating something going "oh, this is heaven" and we think, thank god. one meal down without a tantrum or puking. and woo-hoo, there's leftovers. next meal will be easy too. but no. next time "well this isn't the same" because it looks different from being reheated. so he won't eat it. so he's picky and autistic, but come on EAT!
and he's 8. that's a lot of vomit when it happens (8 times in the last 3 weeks). the doc thinks it's behavaioral (duh) and anxiety induced (duh again). but at 8 one can't really tell you what's going on. especially when you have issues with verbal communication anyway. not that i want to put my little man on more meds, but anything to help him calm down. we are using flower essences, aromatherapy, and crystals. but i am ready for a prescription.
and it's all compounded by the fact that someone else got him first. made him, and raised him with all the issues we are now sorting out with our blood, sweat, and tears. it's no wonder i'm having health crisis after health crisis.
he's 8 for god's sake. life should be fun, breezy, fancy free. i'm so sad he didn't get that ticket to this ride. i'm so sad that his 8 little years have been filled with such sadness. that his autism makes him see the world so differently. that his body process his senses so differently.
between the not eating right, having to be reminded to snack all day to keep up his calories, having to remind him to go to the bathroom (if we don't, he has accidents), remembering if and when he pooped last, reminding him to remember what i just asked him to do - every sentence i speak in my house starts with his name and ends with "please go do that now, again".
these have been the longest, hardest, most rewarding months of my life.
every meal.
and i don't know what to do. the doctors have him on another stomach med. hoping it will help. crisis point - that's been mentioned.
and it doesn't help that he'll be eating something going "oh, this is heaven" and we think, thank god. one meal down without a tantrum or puking. and woo-hoo, there's leftovers. next meal will be easy too. but no. next time "well this isn't the same" because it looks different from being reheated. so he won't eat it. so he's picky and autistic, but come on EAT!
and he's 8. that's a lot of vomit when it happens (8 times in the last 3 weeks). the doc thinks it's behavaioral (duh) and anxiety induced (duh again). but at 8 one can't really tell you what's going on. especially when you have issues with verbal communication anyway. not that i want to put my little man on more meds, but anything to help him calm down. we are using flower essences, aromatherapy, and crystals. but i am ready for a prescription.
and it's all compounded by the fact that someone else got him first. made him, and raised him with all the issues we are now sorting out with our blood, sweat, and tears. it's no wonder i'm having health crisis after health crisis.
he's 8 for god's sake. life should be fun, breezy, fancy free. i'm so sad he didn't get that ticket to this ride. i'm so sad that his 8 little years have been filled with such sadness. that his autism makes him see the world so differently. that his body process his senses so differently.
between the not eating right, having to be reminded to snack all day to keep up his calories, having to remind him to go to the bathroom (if we don't, he has accidents), remembering if and when he pooped last, reminding him to remember what i just asked him to do - every sentence i speak in my house starts with his name and ends with "please go do that now, again".
these have been the longest, hardest, most rewarding months of my life.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
from the mouth of my child
so we were playing mario kart on the Wii and my son shouts out "mama! mama! it's like we're on a real roller toaster! a real roller TOASTER!!!!"
yes, my son, this life of ours is one big roller toaster after another!
yes, my son, this life of ours is one big roller toaster after another!
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