a fresh start

so everyone else is blogging, why can't i? really, that's no good reason to blog however i do have some things to say and think there may be people out there who want to hear them, and may even talk back. i have issues. with the political system. with weight. with the way people treat others. with the foster care system. with injustice, hatred, and bigotry. with ingnorance. with myself.

i should say that i've lost myself in pieces over the last decade or so. i've learned much, and grown even more. but there are still pieces. floating about, with others. i'm hoping somehow writing when bring them back to me; will make me whole. more real. more me.

perhaps i have started this becuase i am so fearful about tomorrow. i don't know what i am more scared of; that mccain might win or that there will be hundreds of thousands of lazy ass americans who don't get off their asses and VOTE!! (that may sound judgemental and hate-filled, but damn it, just VOTE!) i can still vividily remember the day i registered to vote. i was so proud, so hopeful that my voice could make change happen. i may not have always gotten my way, but at least i tried.

and speaking of being fearful, my two beautiful foster children will start mommy visits on friday. and may go home in february. back to a life where they were the parents raising the 3 other young ones, and their mom. back to life without food, showers, and healthcare. back to a life where hitting happened daily. back to a life unlike the life they've grown very accustomed too, here, with us. and then we'll go back to our life, without children. and i'll have lost yet another piece of me.