something funny. something not.

as laurie and i were waiting yesterday for my doctor to come in and give me my good old friends "steroids" to help me get through this sicknes funk i was reminded of the last time i had to head to the ER. i thought it was asthma, turns out it was pnemonia. they figured this out through x-raying my chest. here's where the funny part comes in (and why laurie was laughing so hard she was crying).

the ER was pretty full that day. they stuck me in the kids ward. not even in a bed, just a chair. in a room no bigger then a closet. and since i'm such a baby, i had not only laurie with me, but my mom too. so there were the three of us in this tiny closet. oh, i guess i should also mention we had to make room for my BIG OLE SICK ATTITUDE. yeah, that took up quite a bit of room. once they gave me some drugs to breathe and some to help me calm down (my BP was 201/110 - yeah, not good. but did i mention i couldn't breathe) it was just the me, mom, and laurie again. the doctor decided i needed that x-ray, and sent for a tech.

in comes nice man (and family friend, which makes this even more funny and unbearable) to wheel me down to the x-ray department. he came in to the room with this tensy, tiny wheelchair. for a kid. which would have been appropriate had a kid actually been in this kids room. but no, it was me. who happens to not be the fattest woman, but also not the skinnest. and DEFINATELY NOT CHILD SIZED!! but the "nice" man insisted i try. so what happened. yup, you may have guessed it. my fat ass rested nicely on the ARM RESTS. yeah, i'm sure that was a nice sight. probably looked like trying to fit this:

into this:

yeah, not fun. but quite funny! so the fat woman who couldn't fit into the child's wheelchair with pnemonia had to WALK all the way to the x-ray department AND BACK becuase they were so busy all the adult wheelchairs were in use. yeah. not a good day. for my lungs or my ego.

on to the not so funny bit. my son has autism. i've never really typed that out before. i've read it in the report we just got back. i knew from the day he came in to our lives. but to type it. read it. know it for sure. that's something else completely. it explains alot of his quirks, inability to make friends. follow directions. eat, touch, or look at things he is not familiar with. explains his totally and complete black/white thinking pattern.

autism is nothing new to me. i've been working with children and families living with it and affected by it for years. i just never thought it would be this close to home. luckily for us all i know what to do. but that doesn't make it any easier. doesn't make me mourn any less. doesn't make me fear even more the life he may go back to.

and it certainly doesn't make me love him any less.

he's a wonderful, bright (he's on the high functioning end of the scale with an extemely high IQ), artistic, unique kid. he (and his sister) have become our lives. we're going to do everything in our control to make sure however long he is with us is productive, engaging, and teaches him how to function in a world he sees so diferently then anyone else. a world in which he will have find his own place, in his own way, and in his own time. i just pray he can do it. i know he can.